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The Fug Girls

April 9, 2012

Celebrities provide us with a wealth of fodder for critique. Bless them for it! If the stylist-less Tara Reids and Paz de la Huertas weren’t around, Go Fug Yourself wouldn’t be so much darn fun.

It’s fun because of Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan aka The Fug Girls! With their sharp wits, enduring humor, and a sprinkling of patronizing snark, the girls breakdown all the tragedies of the red carpet and the madness and bad choices of celebrity fashion. They’re as clueless as the rest of us as to why wealthy celebrities often end up looking like maniacs and they take them to task for it.

And although Go Fug Yourself is wildly popular in and of itself, Heather and Jessica have also begun dabbling in the incredibly fun world of YA fiction with their novel, Spoiled. The story follows 16 year old Molly who discovers her biological father is a celebrity and she is plunged into the nutty landscape of Hollywood and a new relationship with her spoiled half sister. Fans will be happy to know that the follow-up, Messy, will be released this year.

The Fug Girls say being fugly is “a condition above which people can rise,” but we can’t help but hope that celebrities continue to land in a mess of fug over and over again.

1. What is your hometown?


I am a third generation Los Angeleno! 


That is a weirdly tough question. I don’t really have one. I was born in Houston, but I grew up in England near Ascot, and my family lived in Miami and Calgary as well. I can’t really call any of them my hometown, but England is dearest to me, especially because my late father was English and it’s a piece of him I will hold onto forever. Wow, I Debbie Downer’d this already, and it’s just the first question.

2. With what fictional character do you most identify?


Ooh, this is a good question. I’d like to say Alexis Carrington Colby from Dynasty, obviously, but sadly my life does not involve me throwing glasses of champagne at men from my bubble bath, in which I am wearing a turban. I always identified with Hermione Granger — academically motivated, easily exasperated, somewhat neurotic, with unmanageable hair. Sadly, I have no magical powers. 


I wanted it to be Velvet in National Velvet, because I grew up dreaming of riding in the Grand National. Mind you, I don’t know how to ride, and I’m allergic to horses. So, oops. I also was very nosy, a la Harriet the Spy, and I used to dress up as Annie on random Tuesdays when I was four or five, because I had the wig and I was pretty sure singing my way into the heart of a billionaire was a great idea. You could call me the Voldemort of celebrity fashion criticism, I suppose. Personality-wise, I’m more of a Hermione as well, though — right down to the frizz problem. 

3. In the movie of your life, cast an actor to play you.


Obviously I want someone exponentially younger and more gorgeous — can I call dibs on Jennifer Lawrence?


Ooh, good one! I always used to say Reese Witherspoon, but now my answer is Emma Stone, for sure. And then for the part where I go off the rails and become insane and blurry, they can swap in Lohan.

4. What work of art speaks to your soul?


Well, I don’t know that it speaks to my soul exactly, but I find that I have been very inspired by “Clueless” over the years. I don’t mean in the “inspired-by-Jane-Austen” sense. I mean in the, “I accidentally quote Clueless on the subject of driving in Los Angeles like four times a week” sense.


I did get tears in my eyes when I finally saw the Sistine Chapel in person. Not necessarily because I looked at it and saw my own soul, but just… what a marvel it is. And I count both the pyramids and the tombs of Luxor, which Jessica and I saw together on an Egypt vacation. I will never, ever forget that trip. Absolutely incredible. And obviously “One Tree Hill.”

5. What books are you currently reading or recommending?


I just finished “Game Change”  by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin, and I am recommending it to everyone. The recent HBO movie only covered, say, a third of the book, which is really about the 2008 election in its entirety. It is so juicy and interesting and compelling. I also constantly recommend “Furious Love,” last year’s book about Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, which is ALSO juicy and interesting and compelling. This makes it seem like I read a lot of non-fiction, but I am about almost exclusively a fiction reader — I just started Ten Things We Did (And Probably Shouldn’t Have), by Sarah Mlynowski.


I have Rob Lowe’s autobiography on my Kindle, for when I’m on the elliptical, although I’m about to finish. I can’t read anything at the gym that requires focus — my last one was the ESPN book, although I do not recommend that one. Very disappointing. I have an ARC of Elizabeth Crane’s latest waiting for me, and “A Discovery of Witches,” and John Green’s “A Fault In Our Stars.” I will recommend pretty much anything John Green has written, even if I haven’t read it yet. I also think Jasper Fforde has another one out now… I really like his books for the sheer volume of smart, zany imagination and inventiveness. The plot can get totally wackadoo and sometimes I forget what’s going on, but I don’t even care because his imagination is enviable. I always wanted Cate Blanchett to star as Thursday Next in a movie adaptation of that series, but it never happened.

6. What song or album is currently in heavy rotation on your iPod?


Kelly Clarkson and I have been spending some quality time together on the treadmill lately.


Mumford & Sons — they make me want to play the banjo — and Rilo Kiley’s “More Adventurous” album, and a healthy dose of Girls Aloud and Britney.

7. What’s the last movie that made you cry?


I am the person who cries at, like, Whirlpool commercials. I definitely got a little choked up in The Hunger Games.


I almost never cry at books or movies, EVER, and yet in my actual real life I tend to cry way too easily at the merest hint of confrontation, even if I’m not actually that upset about it. I hate that. I’d much rather be solid in life and weepy at the theater. However, since having babies that were nine weeks early and in the NICU, I can’t watch parts of “Grey’s Anatomy” that deal with preemies. Debbie Downer again. (Mine are fine.) But you know what gets me closest, in movies or TV? Loneliness and/or confusion. Not so abnormal, I know. But, like, people can be dying all over town and I won’t cry. But if an old person seems lost and confused, or a little toddler kid is crying scared, or something… phew. I’m sure that says a lot about what my great fears are in life.

8.  Cat person or dog person?


I like cats, but I’m super allergic. I love dogs. 



9. What is more important, truth or kindness?


I think it depends on the situation. But you can tell someone the truth kindly.


Ooh, good answer. I am going to steal that. But I do think truth comes first, almost always. If I turned into a total jackhole overnight, I’d hope my friends would opt for truth with me, kindly delivered or not.

10.    How do you define sin?


I guess, in the broadest personal definition, it is acting solely in ones’ own self interest without empathy for how your actions affect others. 


I would add a specific destructive element to my personal definition of sin. I think you can lack empathy without necessarily full-on sinning, but if you do something emotionally or physically destructive to a person without care for the consequences, then you’re on Satan’s speed dial for sure.

11.    How do you define virtue?

JESSICA: Selflessness.

HEATHER: I think there are a lot of virtues. I hear patience is one. I’d argue that, in a way, it’s my opposite of sin — doing good for yourself, naturally, without calculating what your reward will be or without desiring to wave your goodness in people’s faces.

12.   Design your headstone: What does it say? What does it look like?


I want to be cremated and kept on someone’s mantelpiece so I can observe from the beyond. No headstone for me.


I love the idea of having an old headstone in a crumbling cemetery that will long outlive, and taunt, my progeny. I’ll stick a photo of Emma Stone on mine and say, “Remember me as I was: EXACTLY like this.”

Bonus Question: Who would you like to see answer these questions?


Joan Collins.


Karl Lagerfeld.

Go Fug Yourself

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