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The International Playboys

August 18, 2012
I have to be forthcoming about my relationship with the International Playboys. I’ve been torturing these fellows for a long time. My crew of ladyfriends and I have harassed them for a number of years – sending them care packages filled with useless items (poop) while they were on tour, pranked their porches with diapers full of shrimp, and even started a little zine called “Dog Dick” to exasperate them.
But  they’ve always been kind to us, always played along while we besmirched their good names in our little publication. An old guitar player of theirs even invited us in for Mac & Cheese when he caught us at his front door leaving one of our “gifts”. I’m proud to call these dudes my friends. And it’s all the better that they are preening showmen that took a lot of pride in the work they did. They worked hard for a long time and managed to tour the country playing and making friends with so many amazing bands.
They left a pile of dirty dollar bills, whiskey, panties, and hair picks in their wake! It’s time for a reunion and you don’t want to miss these fellows tearing it up at Total Fest! Ladies and Gents, here’s Monty Carlo, Cap’n Sextastic, Joe Danger, and The Count.
1. What is your hometown?
Missoula, Montana.
2. With what fictional character do you most identify?
Often when reading contemporary works of fiction, we realize that the author is explicitly comparing his characters to each of us in order to make them resonate more strongly with the reader. Does that count?
3. In the movie of your life, cast an actor to play you.
Monty: Marlon Brando
Count: Toshiro Mifune
Danger: John Holmes
Cap’n: Rasputin (not technically an actor)
4. What work of art speaks to your soul?
Whatever pictures there are on the large bills of the currencies of the world.
5. What books are you currently reading or recommending?
The Hustler by Walter Tevis
6. What song or album is currently in heavy rotation on your iPod?
Fuck You Tonight by Notorious B.I.G. and R Kelly
7. What’s the last movie that made you cry?
Is this question designed to get us to talk about “The International Playboys’ First Movie: “Ghouls Gone Wild” which can be seen in its entirety on Youtube? If so, bravo Question – job well done.
8. Cat person or dog person?
Monty owns an Ocelot. Does that answer your question?
9. What is more important, truth or kindness?
10. How do you define sin?
We fear you are too poor to understand.
11. How do you define virtue?
Now if we wanted to define an English word, our place of first resort would be the Oxford English Dictionary. However if the history and derivation of the word were more of interest, then we would delve into the Latin word, and important Roman cultural concept, virtus and its relation to the Latin word vir, meaning man. Many scholars prefer the Oxford Latin Dictionary, however we find German philology much more enlightening.
12. Design your headstone: What does it say? What does it look like?
The Count has been looking into buying Luxembourg. We will build a recreation of the Mausoleum of Mausolus at Halicarnassus as our communal tomb and use Luxembourg as the grounds surrounding the tomb. All the plebs living in that country and their dwellings will be razed to create room for the giant topiary garden that Joe Danger has designed.
Bonus Question: Who would you like to see answer these questions?
Alexander the Great and Jimmy Page. Those are the only people from history whose answers matter.
The International Playboys
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